i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
