my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
