I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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