Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
