if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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