I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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