I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
