just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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