She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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