after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
