some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
