They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
