could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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