my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
