Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
