they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
