Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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