the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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