no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
