The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
