Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
