just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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