Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I touched a dick in church today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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