She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
