I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
