pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
