so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
