You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
