it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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