I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
