She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
