i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
