Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
