Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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