maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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