She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
