I smell stomach acid.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
