it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
