conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
