I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i out mim tonsoeep
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