College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
