Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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