I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
