he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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