you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
