At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
