He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
