too bad you live with your parents still
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
