He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
tell me about the eggs
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