Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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