Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
