you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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