i just wanna soil my oats bro
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
