If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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