hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
