she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
