It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
