You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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