I wish my penis had an off switch
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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