I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
