roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
