You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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