is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
