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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.

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• (516): View more from New York

  So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely

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• (951): View more from California

  I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.

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