This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
