Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
