Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
