In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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