He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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