Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
