are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
