U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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